Chemo days

No taste

my skin tastes different

don’t recognise food

everything’s like eating mud

sense of smell deceives me 

eating's just fuel.

Exhausted

waves of tiredness 

drop to sleep at a moment’s notice 

finished by a walk

Wake up at all hours.

Peeing for my country.

Can’t concentrate for more than 15 minutes 

feel rimbambito.

Nausea creeps up unsuspected

fear of swallowing anything

food

the tablets that are curing me

even simple life giving water...

Side aches

wound closed and healing well 

but reminds me it’s not done.

Sooka cries when she sees me down

what am I doing to her?

16 days to go, just 384 hours and then?

Freedom or doubt? 

Up to me I guess

Cruelty & release

Lost a friend to this beast this week.  David, who I’d only met online at the Macmillan Cancer Care Online Community, sadly lost his short battle with Oesophageal Cancer.   My heart goes out to his family and close friends at such a cruel time and I only hope that they take some consolation from the love and happy times they shared with him and that he has been released from pain and passed in peace.  He was a big hearted man, full of courage, wisdom, hope and wise words and he lifted me and many others with his optimism and spirit.  He welcomed me as a friend and I’ll remember his kindness with huge affection and only regret that we will not get to go on the walk through the woods we talked about.  

A bad week also saw friends lose their daughter at just 26 to another cancer.  It’s terrible to lose anyone but a child must be the worst, I can hardly imagine what her parents are going through - where do they find comfort at such wanton cruelty?  My prayers are with you.

Rest in peace David & Katie.