Scans...

The oncologist recently talked me through my latest scans.  It’s pretty good, going to plan.  The margins of the tumour they removed were clear which is a good result.  They also took out several lymph nodes and found “involvement” in all but two, as expected though perhaps not to that extent.  The scans show a couple of remaining lymph nodes which are enlarged but he said that could just be my body reacting to post-surgery healing.  Later scans will confirm this.

It reminded me how vigilant I will need to be for any recurrence and what an insidious bugger cancer is.  How it just kicks off without announcing itself and lurks darkly doing its dirty work with impressive dedication, until one day you stumble across it as I did. If you’re lucky you find it early enough to fight back and send it packing.  Often though it’s too late, or at least late enough to have done serious damage that will leave you battling for the rest of your life.

Either way your life is no longer the same, your body is no longer only yours.  You’ve met a resourceful and determined enemy that wants you and its shadow will now be trailing you till the end of your time.

Not letting that get to you is the trick, the task, the new fight.  Not allowing this intangible, shapeless, timeless small piece of knowledge rule you, suffocate you, hijack your emotions and thoughts.  

How do I harness cancer’s dark energy and turn it back on itself?

The challenge is to live life as completely as possible, not wasting any opportunity or moment, giving whatever I can, making sure my loved ones know they are loved and sharing as much as I can, and retaining the ability to enjoy and feel that time alive is so valuable.  No regrets allowed.  That’s a great challenge to take up.